People are mean.
Yes, there are people out there who are evil, abusive, users, and bullies. You find them more often than you find good. Why? That would be a great question. Why do people have to use others? Why do they have to pretend to care about you, then turn around and be mean? The answer is you allow them. You allow them to project their imperfections onto you and you accept it. You can turn a blind eye to their shallow conversations; but it does cut you. You can pretend it does not bother you when a person you think of as a close friend, uses you only for their financial gain. You can act like a friend who you turn to with trusted information goes behind your back spreading that information around in the form of rumors. You can try to be cool as a lover is discovered as nothing more than a toxic waste of your time.
Sure, it helps keep you protected to act like nothing is wrong.
The truth is as a good person you are going to be used. You are going to be exposed to crappy people who have their own agendas. The best way for your happiness to survive these personalities is to learn the signs quickly and expel them from your life. Gone is the mindset of keeping your enemies close, push them far out of your life.
Examples of these flawed individuals would be:
- Queen or King of Zingers – Every time you engage in a conversation the person throws out zingers about you. Of course, you can ignore them. This person is insecure. You cannot change this, move on.
- Cheating lover – You want this to be the one. You feel so great around him or her. Yet, are devastated when you learn they have been dishonest with you. With over 8 billion people in the world, it is not worth it to compete for this person’s attention. Allow yourself to feel the pain for as long as you need, heal, and then get back on the road of life. The next person who comes just may be the person of your dreams, which will make you feel silly forever caring about this individual.
- Financially abusive – You aren’t valued as an individual. This person only calls you to hang out, when you are needed to pay for their meals or trips or they want as many people as possible at a party they are hosting. They are not interested in your life. This is toxic. And, sometimes, you are not aware at first they are using you. But, once you realize it, you can give it to them; by agreeing to dinner, allowing them to order whatever they want. Before the check comes, excuse yourself to the bathroom, pay for your portion. Then, return to take an upfront seat to their struggle as they realize you are not paying for them this time.
- Rumor starter – The more you share your inner thoughts, the more you find rumors flying around about you. This is horrifying when you discover this person is your closest friend. Yet, she/he is faking it. Of course, you want to cry. You feel betrayed. You thought the world of this person. And, yet, they have turned out to be the one person you cannot keep in your life. There is no reason to keep this person close. Ignore their calls. Agree to meet them, but never quite set a date.
- Too gooder – This person feels because they have gained an edge over you, they are too good for you. They get a good job or an advantage in their life which allows for them to feel powerful over you. They no longer need your friendship. This hurts when you come to realize they were only using you for entertainment, and now you are not needed. It makes you question why they even bothered to hang out with you. As you look back, you can see your experience with them was not that great. And, it does help to make the transition of leaving them behind very easy.
- The bully – This person is the most toxic. They hold grunges. They do not support anything you are doing. They make your life a living hell. They are kind only enough to gain your trust, and only need you when they are looking for companionship. They lie, trick and abuse you every step of the way. These people are the ones you should abandon all together. Distance is the key for this relationship to dissolved. They are not going to easily let you treat into the dark. They can be a lover or a family member. Someone it is hard to just move away from. But, your best option is to STAY AWAY.
These are just examples of personalities who are robbing you of your happiness. They want to see you suffer more than succeed. It may be their desire to be good to you, but because of their own experiences in life, they cannot allow you the true happiness. They exist to keep a balance of good and evil. It is not completely their fault. It is just the experience you need to be able to grow. No you are not deserving of any of the above mentioned persons. You deserve happiness. And, by experiencing any of those personalities, you can become wiser to them in the future. An alcoholic does not come out of nowhere. They have mannerisms that once exposed, you can learn to avoid. A drug addict has a way about them, and once exposed you can keep them far removed from you. A cheater has aire about them that screams who they are. A liar cannot look you in the eyes without shaking their head opposite of their intent when asked yes/no questions. A bully cannot hide in the dark without abusing you.
Through the exposure of these negative interactions, you have the power to keep them far removed from you. It is easier to go with the flow in some cases, but other times it is best to move on. You cannot change the world. You only control your decisions. And, you can choose better experiences and protections to keep your happiness from being stolen from you.
You deserve happiness.